Master, I am Xah’gnui, who has long delved into the annals of subterranean lore, conducting forbidden researches into the unknown, with a view to resurrecting aeon-silent interplanetary necromancer-lizards. Why is it so hard for me to get a date?
Uncanny Voyager: –
Would to God I had never opened your loathsome missive or any of the others! I lie gibbering on the settee, striving to blot from my consciousness your perverse admission, the most terrible quality of which is that it is penned in what is unquestionably my own handwriting. If that were not enough, your letter’s acrid stench resembles that of the thing — if it is a thing — that now slavers spasmodically against my window shutter.
(thanks to Randy McCall)