If you haven't heard it, imagine a charming late-night radio announcer relaying the following in an ominous yet civic tone of voice:
Dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park. It is possible you will see hooded figures in the Dog Park. Do not approach them. Do not approach the Dog Park. The fence is electrified and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Dog Park. And especially do not look for any period of time at the hooded figures. The Dog Park will not harm you.Or read this to yourself in a jovial yet white-knuckled narration:
It's election season again, and you know what that means. Sheriff's secret police will be coming by to collect certain family members so that everyone votes for the correct council seats and there's no confusion. These family members will be held in a secure and undisclosed location, which everyone knows is the abandoned mineshaft outside of town.
But don't let the name fool you, listeners. It's been used for years for so many kidnappings and illegal detentions that the abandoned mineshaft outside of town is actually a pretty nice location these days, featuring king-sized beds, free Wi-Fi, and HBO. Also, torture cubicles, but I don't think anyone's going to make the council use them. Remember, this is America. Vote correctly, or never see your loved ones again.
Go here and start downloading. And hail the glow cloud.
(many thanks to Amanda and other friends who insisted)