LETTER, LUCY WESTENRA TO MINA MURRAY
24 May
My dearest Mina,
Thanks, and thanks, and thanks again for your sweet letter. It was so nice to be able to tell you and to have your sympathy.
My dear, it never rains but it pours. How true the old proverbs are.
Here am I, who shall be twenty in September, and yet I never had a
proposal till today, not a real proposal, and today I had three. Just
fancy! Three proposals in one day! Isn't it awful! I feel sorry, really
and truly sorry, for two of the poor fellows. Oh, Mina, I am so happy
that I don't know what to do with myself. And three proposals! But, for
goodness' sake, don't tell any of the girls, or they would be getting
all sorts of extravagant ideas, and imagining themselves injured and
slighted if in their very first day at home they did not get six at
least. Some girls are so vain! You and I, Mina dear, who are engaged
and are going to settle down soon soberly into old married women, can
despise vanity. Well, I must tell you about the three, but you must
keep it a secret, dear, from every one except, of course, Jonathan. You
will tell him, because I would, if I were in your place, certainly tell
Arthur. A woman ought to tell her husband everything. Don't you think
so, dear? And I must be fair. Men like women, certainly their wives, to
be quite as fair as they are. And women, I am afraid, are not always
quite as fair as they should be.
Well, my dear, number One came just before lunch. I told you of him,
Dr. John Seward, the lunatic asylum man, with the strong jaw and the
good forehead. He was very cool outwardly, but was nervous all the
same. He had evidently been schooling himself as to all sorts of little
things, and remembered them, but he almost managed to sit down on his
silk hat, which men don't generally do when they are cool, and then
when he wanted to appear at ease he kept playing with a lancet in a way
that made me nearly scream. He spoke to me, Mina, very
straightfordwardly. He told me how dear I was to him, though he had
known me so little, and what his life would be with me to help and
cheer him. He was going to tell me how unhappy he would be if I did not
care for him, but when he saw me cry he said he was a brute and would
not add to my present trouble. Then he broke off and asked if I could
love him in time, and when I shook my head his hands trembled, and then
with some hesitation he asked me if I cared already for any one else.
He put it very nicely, saying that he did not want to wring my
confidence from me, but only to know, because if a woman's heart was
free a man might have hope. And then, Mina, I felt a sort of duty to
tell him that there was some one. I only told him that much, and then
he stood up, and he looked very strong and very grave as he took both
my hands in his and said he hoped I would be happy, and that if I ever
wanted a friend I must count him one of my best.
Oh, Mina dear, I can't help crying, and you must excuse this letter
being all blotted. Being proposed to is all very nice and all that sort
of thing, but it isn't at all a happy thing when you have to see a poor
fellow, whom you know loves you honestly, going away and looking all
broken hearted, and to know that, no matter what he may say at the
moment, you are passing out of his life. My dear, I must stop here at
present, I feel so miserable, though I am so happy.
Evening.
Arthur has just gone, and I feel in better spirits than when I left off, so I can go on telling you about the day.
Well, my dear, number Two came after lunch. He is such a nice
fellow, and American from Texas, and he looks so young and so fresh
that it seems almost impossible that he has been to so many places and
has such adventures. I sympathize with poor Desdemona when she had such
a stream poured in her ear, even by a black man. I suppose that we
women are such cowards that we think a man will save us from fears, and
we marry him. I know now what I would do if I were a man and wanted to
make a girl love me. No, I don't, for there was Mr. Morris telling us
his stories, and Arthur never told any, and yet . . .
My dear, I am somewhat previous. Mr. Quincy P. Morris found me
alone. It seems that a man always does find a girl alone. No, he
doesn't, for Arthur tried twice to make a chance, and I helping him all
I could, I am not ashamed to say it now. I must tell you beforehand
that Mr. Morris doesn't always speak slang, that is to say, he never
does so to strangers or before them, for he is really well educated and
has exquisite manners, but he found out that it amused me to hear him
talk American slang, and whenever I was present, and there was no one
to be shocked, he said such funny things. I am afraid, my dear, he has
to invent it all, for it fits exactly into whatever else he has to say.
But this is a way slang has. I do not know myself if I shall ever speak
slang. I do not know if Arthur likes it, as I have never heard him use
any as yet.
Well, Mr. Morris sat down beside me and looked as happy and jolly as
he could, but I could see all the same that he was very nervous. He
took my hand in his, and said ever so sweetly . . .
"Miss Lucy, I know I ain't good enough to regulate the fixin's of
your little shoes, but I guess if you wait till you find a man that is
you will go join them seven young women with the lamps when you quit.
Won't you just hitch up along-side of me and let us go down the long
road together, driving in double harness?"
Well, he did look so hood humoured and so jolly that it didn't seem
half so hard to refuse him as it did poor Dr. Seward. So I said, as
lightly as I could, that I did not know anything of hitching, and that
I wasn't broken to harness at all yet. Then he said that he had spoken
in a light manner, and he hoped that if he had made a mistake in doing
so on so grave, so momentous, and occasion for him, I would forgive
him. He really did look serious when he was saying it, and I couldn't
help feeling a sort of exultation that he was number Two in one day.
And then, my dear, before I could say a word he began pouring out a
perfect torrent of love-making, laying his very heart and soul at my
feet. He looked so earnest over it that I shall never again think that
a man must be playful always, and never earnest, because he is merry at
times. I suppose he saw something in my face which checked him, for he
suddenly stopped, and said with a sort of manly fervour that I could
have loved him for if I had been free . . .
"Lucy, you are an honest hearted girl, I know. I should not be here
speaking to you as I am now if I did not believe you clean grit, right
through to the very depths of your soul. Tell me, like one good fellow
to another, is there any one else that you care for? And if there is
I'll never trouble you a hair's breadth again, but will be, if you will
let me, a very faithful friend."
My dear Mina, why are men so noble when we women are so little
worthy of them? Here was I almost making fun of this great hearted,
true gentleman. I burst into tears, I am afraid, my dear, you will
think this a very sloppy letter in more ways than one, and I really
felt very badly.
Why can't they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her,
and save all this trouble? But this is heresy, and I must not say it.
I am glad to say that, though I was crying, I was able to look into Mr.
Morris' brave eyes, and I told him out straight . . .
"Yes, there is some one I love, though he has not told me yet that
he even loves me." I was right to speak to him so frankly, for quite a
light came into his face, and he put out both his hands and took mine,
I think I put them into his, and said in a hearty way . . .
"That's my brave girl. It's better worth being late for a chance of
winning you than being in time for any other girl in the world. Don't
cry, my dear. If it's for me, I'm a hard nut to crack , and I take it
standing up. If that other fellow doesn't know his happiness, well,
he'd better look for it soon, or he'll have to deal with me. Little
girl, your honesty and pluck have made me a friend, and that's rarer
than a lover, it's more selfish anyhow. My dear, I'm going to have a
pretty lonely walk between this and Kingdom Come. Won't you give me
one kiss? It'll be something to keep off the darkness now and then. You
can, you know, if you like, for that other good fellow, or you could
not love him, hasn't spoken yet."
That quite won me, Mina, for it was brave and sweet of him, and
noble too, to a rival, wasn't it? And he so sad, so I leant over and
kissed him.
He stood up with my two hands in his, and as he looked down into my
face, I am afraid I was blushing very much, he said, "Little girl, I
hold your hand, and you've kissed me, and if these things don't make us
friends nothing ever will. Thank you for your sweet honesty to me, and
goodbye." He wrung my hand, and taking up his hat, went straight out of
the room without looking back, without a tear or a quiver or a pause,
and I am crying like a baby.
Oh, why must a man like that be made unhappy when there are lots of
girls about who would worship the very ground he trod on? I know I
would if I were free, only I don't want to be free. My dear, this quite
upset me, and I feel I cannot write of happiness just at once, after
telling you of it, and I don't wish to tell of the number Three until
it can be all happy. Ever your loving . . .
Lucy
P.S.--Oh, about number Three, I needn't tell you of number Three,
need I? Besides, it was all so confused. It seemed only a moment from
his coming into the room till both his arms were round me, and he was
kissing me. I am very, very happy, and I don't know what I have done to
deserve it. I must only try in the future to show that I am not
ungrateful to God for all His goodness to me in sending to me such a
lover, such a husband, and such a friend. Goodbye.
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